Dealing with Disappointment

This year has been a wild ride for me and many of my Christian friends. I believe God has allowed a shaking this year that has caused many of us some pain but he has also caused us to draw closer to him than we have ever been before. God knows exactly what it takes to bring us back (or closer) to him. There have been ups and downs but above all, I believe many of us have experienced a few disappointments, and along with those disappointments have come revelation.

We have seen many Revelations this year, about systems, people, jobs, and friends. If I had to describe this year in one phrase it would be that the mask has slipped from the world around us. Many of us have begun to see the world more clearly than we ever have before. And I believe that God is using the clarity he’s allowed as a runway of sorts. I believe that God is clearing the way for what he wants to do in our lives next. I believe in this next year God is about to flex in some of our lives, just because he can, just because he is God, and just because he wants a grand display of his glory on this earth.

Even if you weren’t disappointed this year at some point you either were or you will be. That is the reality of living in this broken reality that we call Earth. This year there were relationships we didn’t want to see broken. There were friends we didn’t want to lose. There were jobs we wanted to keep doing and there were mistakes we wish we never made. 

Sometimes we let ourselves down through our own decisions and sometimes others fail us. The question of the day is, how do we handle it when we do our best to serve God, and when things go bad he doesn’t move in the way that we expect him to? 

How do we handle it when God disappoints us?

Let’s look at Mary of Bethany, the sister of Martha, and Lazarus to see what the bible says about being disappointed.

Let’s go to John Chapter 11

Just to catch you up, Mary and Martha called for Jesus when their brother Lazarus was sick. Jesus made a spirit-lead decision not to show up until after Lazarus died as a matter of fact, Jesus didn’t show up until the 4th day after Lazarus had already passed away. When Jesus finally arrived, Martha went to meet him but Mary stayed in the house with the people who came to grieve with her.

The Bible says: “Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met Him, but Mary was sitting in the house.”

John 11:20

We find ourselves in a portion of scripture that depicts Mary, the sister who is called Jesus Rabbi. As a side note, Rabbi means “MY teacher” When Rabbi ends in the letter “i” it depicts a relationship from the disciple to the teacher that was personal and loving. Mary loved Jesus and was close to him. Mary found herself in pain and distant because of her disappointment. Jesus her beloved Rabbi didn’t show up when she needed him to. When our expectations aren’t met by God, it can cause us to be distant from him and that is exactly what happened to Mary.

When we have a plan in our head and an outline of how Jesus should move in our lives it can cause pain when he doesn’t follow the script that we have written. Pain can cause offense, which is often rooted in pride. We dont know better and though we believe our plan is sufficient. We have to remember that our hearts are naturally a mess and in our pride, we believe that we know what’s best forgetting that we serve a God who isn’t swayed by our plan but is only moved by his. 

Remember in Luke 10:38-42, Mary was the sister who sat at the feet of Jesus when she should have been serving her guests. Martha was upset with Mary because she wasn’t working to prepare dinner and take care of the guests. In that time how guests were welcomed and cared for directly affected their reputation in the community. Mary was the sister who sat at the feet of Jesus and hung on every word that Jesus spoke. While Martha was upset, in Luke 10:42 Jesus said that Mary had “chosen the good thing”. Mary loved Jesus, followed Jesus, and hung on his every word, and yet when her brother died she was still disappointed by him, he could have healed Lazarus and Jesus didn’t even show up when she called. 

Just because Mary didn’t get what she wanted doesn’t mean that Jesus loved her or her family less. Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit, when he heard of Lazarus’ need for healing he knew God would get glory from the circumstance. From what we can tell, Mary did everything right and like the rest of us, still found herself in need of a Savior.

Mary is an example that we can check every box on our Christian checklist and things still may not go as planned. She knew exactly who Jesus was and what he was capable of. She called him when her brother was in trouble. She had faith that Jesus would show up and do what she needed him to do, which was healing her brother Lazarus. Mary already had deep faith in a Jesus who healed the sick, but God wanted Mary (and us) to have faith in a Jesus who raises the dead. 

God had other plans!

In John 11:28 Martha told Mary in secret that Jesus her teacher had come and was calling for her. Let’s look at how Mary reacted even though she was disappointed. 

1. Mary was obedient even when disappointed.

“As soon as she heard that she arose quickly and came to him”

John 11:29

Martha knew that Mary needed to speak to Jesus about the grief that she was feeling, so she did the best she could to get her sister to Christ! In response, Mary was obedient, as soon as she heard that Jesus was calling for her she went to him. 

Mary didn’t have a hello for Jesus, she didn’t have a big welcome and there was no meal prepared, all she had for Jesus was her disappointment. We have breath in our lungs and food on our tables but sometimes all you feel is the pain of disappointment. 

But Jesus sees you and He‘s concerned with you. 

When you sit at the feet of Jesus and hang on to his word and look at him with adoration and pure love, you can’t help but feel disappointed when he doesn’t change the thing you would die to see fixed. Sometimes your child is wayward, and sometimes the marriage fails and sometimes we fall ill. 

We can find our pain in Mary’s story. Imagine having a personal relationship with Jesus, his best friend is your brother, and when you need him most he delays his arrival. He lets your brother die, he doesn’t come running when you call him. Imagine if, after it all, Jesus let you down. The person who was the savior of all mankind disappointed Mary. But Mary found a way to continue to be obedient. Which brings me to point number two.

2. Mary left the crowd.

“When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.”

John 11:31

People came to mourn with Mary but her eyes became fixed on Christ. She was so detached from them that when she ran off to meet Jesus they thought she was going to continue to mourn. But Mary had other plans, she’s showing us that sometimes we need to leave the crowd. As the old saying goes misery loves company, but what good is company in misery when you have access to the Prince of Peace? Mary heard that Jesus called for her and went directly to him with her pain, which brings me to point number three.

3. Mary was humble and honest 

In John 11:32 the bible says Mary pleaded with Jesus: 

“Lord if you had been here my brother would not have died”

John 11:32

Mary knew where the power was, and she knew what Jesus could do. She knew Jesus healed the sick. She knew there was no one else who could be trusted with her brother’s health. Mary knew who to call on when the doctors failed. 

Mary knew Jesus as her teacher, and healer, and was honest with him about her pain when he wasn’t there to perform the miracle she needed. If he had only been there there would have been hope, there would have been healing, and there would have been life.

So often we think Lord, if you had just been here this thing wouldn’t have fallen apart! But in our pain, we tend to forget that God is always there, and sometimes he allows things to fall apart because he wants to be the one who puts them back together. 

Jesus wants to be the one who restores the thing you lost. He wants to be the one who shapes and molds your life so the thing you lost seems lackluster when compared to when you receive what he promised. 

God wants your life to reveal his glory and his goodness so he allows the falling away of some things so that on the other side we can see that only Jesus could have restored and healed us.

Many times we expect God’s plan to look just like ours, forgetting that God knows all and sees all. God is fully aware of our blind spots. God sees the heart of man and knows how things will work out. 

That job would have driven you crazy, that wayward child needed to encounter him before coming back to you and that marriage had to break to get that idol out of your heart. 

And maybe you had to meet death because Jesus knew that with him, you were strong enough to survive it.

It’s not a surprise to him, he knew you would come out on the other side, praising him, and serving him. God knew that you would reach back and help people just like you. Because you are the one who would help others survive that same pain. Even if it’s only one person that you help, they survived because you let God use your pain and he was able to work through you!

God knows exactly what you can do and wherever you can’t he can! 

God is ABLE!

In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, the bible says:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

God comforts us so we can comfort others. God shows us how it’s done. We are made to love and support each other, God teaches us as we suffer and he suffers with us, we dont have to do it alone. 

You are never alone in your disappointment or your pain. Though Jesus and Mary weren’t close in proximity it seems that they shared a common pain, the loss of a loved one. Jesus was human after all and he experienced all of the pain we do. 

Jesus understands.

Mary and Jesus grieved together at the loss of Lazarus and by his grace, Jesus revealed himself as the God who resurrects. Which brings me to point number 4.

4. Mary saw the miracle and she continued to worship. 

After Lazarus had risen from the dead, Mary didn’t forget what Jesus did. When things are good, do you forget God? 

Will Jesus only have your attention if and when you suffer?  

In John 12:1-8 Jesus was anointed by Mary with expensive perfume. I’ve heard a lot of stories about the woman who anointed Jesus with expensive perfume. Stories about her being or questionable character, to a woman who was out of place in her desire to anoint her Rabbi. But none the less Mary chose to honor Jesus and worship at his feet. 

Mary used spikenard to anoint Jesus was worth about 300 denarii, today that cost would be about $54,509 U.S. dollars. Mary didn’t just give this perfume to Jesus she poured it on his feet and then wiped his feet with her hair. Imagine that Jesus walked in sandals, in the desert for days, and Mary used her tears, her hair, and a valuable ointment to clean and anoint his feet. 

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 11:15 that a woman’s hair is her glory. 

Mary tarnished her glory, in order to give glory to Christ. 

Of course, Judas was upset that Mary didn’t sell the expensive perfume and give into the money bag that he was stealing from but Jesus said in John 12:7:

 “Let her alone; she has kept this for the day of My burial.”

John 12:7

Mary dedicated herself to worshipping Jesus, she hung on his every word when she should have been serving her guests. Mary gave from her savings as she anointed Jesus with an expensive perfume. Mary let go of any pride she may have had as she tearfully sat on her knees in a room full of men and used her hair to wipe her Rabbi’s feet. Jesus brought her brother Lazarus back from the dead and in return, Mary prepared to honor Jesus in his death. Though Mary was disappointed earlier from what we can tell, she lived her life in a state of constant worship, even in her disappointment and especially when things were good.

Mary teaches us that through it all, our perfect position is at the feet of our Savior.

To recap:

1. Mary was obedient even when she was disappointed.

2. Mary left the crowd to connect with Jesus.

3. Mary was humble and honest with Jesus about how she felt.

4. Mary continued to worship when things were good!

Jesus used Mary’s disappointment and the death of Lazarus to clear the way for his glory. We get to see Jesus as the son of God who not only heals illness, but through Mary’s story, we come to know Jesus as our savior who has already overcome the grave. 

If Jesus hadn’t delayed, and Mary hadn’t been disappointed, she never would have seen the fullness of Christ’s power. Mary would never have come to know Jesus as the God who resurrects! 

Our walk with Christ is given depth through our pain and disappointment because things dont always go our way, but they do go his way. Jesus says in John 11:15 

“and for your sake, I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe…” 

John 11:15 

His plan is perfect and Jesus uses every ounce of what we have gone through, nothing is wasted and it is all so that we might believe.

So if you are dealing with disappointment remember, God is clearing the way in order to have his way, and if it’s not good then He’s not done!